I am the kind of weirdo who makes to-do lists for her weekends. Why do I, a normally sane person, do this? Well. Personally, I find that seeing things written down makes me feel pressure to do them. I tell myself I make them so I won't forget things--but of course that's not true. I make them because there is only one thing better than seeing every item on a neatly scribed list checked off, and that's making a new list. Should anyone who reads this know of someone specializing in the psychology of list-making, send 'em my name. They need look no further for their next subject. My dad has a saying that has had, it seems, an outsize effect on me; "If it's not on the list, it doesn't get done." Looking at a list, checked or unchecked, is the sign of someone with things to do, and that's the kind of person I tend to respect.
While this is all well and good for being organized and responsible, I'm starting to learn that you cannot make a list for your life. Part of being alive is forgetting things, being impulsive, making it up as you go. I used my Fourth of July weekend to return to humanity. I'd lost sight, you see, over the past week or two, of what it means to be a person. Being "busy" doesn't mean you have a life--it means you have a job. And telling people you haven't cleaned, read a book, called your college friends, or cooked a meal for yourself because you're too "busy" is no excuse. Making lists can also be an excuse--at least it is for me. After two weeks of not really reading any books, two weeks of an empty fridge and too much takeout/scrounging for food, I'd had enough. I gorged myself this weekend on grocery shopping and books, new and used and borrowed (the books, not the groceries!). You can hunger for a lot of things--for food, for knowledge, for that high, electric note of pure aliveness that you feel when you're about to do something reckless and unplanned. These cannot be sated by listing--only by doing.
Applying this philosophy to cooking is one of the best things you can do. Instead of being guided by a list, or even a recipe, step on back and just feel. It's what led me to summer's best condiment--pesto.
